is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
