The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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