i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
