Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
