hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
