the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
