The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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