One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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