It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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