Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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