What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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