We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
