Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
