What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
