so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So vagazzling was a success
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
