I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
