you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
how does that bad decision feel?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
