Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
