she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
