just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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