It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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