If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
