Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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