Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
