Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
