piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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