I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
