i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
