i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
