My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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