WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
