we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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