I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I didn't notice because vodka
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
