Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
