$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
