Im at strip club and am horny
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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