I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You have to summon your inner elephant
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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