Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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