I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Found the puke drawer
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
