He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
