Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
