Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
