ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
