He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
