He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Drake has all the answers
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
