yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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