Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
