I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Still dying that you shit outside
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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