i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
