So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
