He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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